Grab Bag O' Thoughts

• Milwaukee, Wisconsin's own The Gothsicles are playing this Saturday night as part of the MarsCon festivities. Do check them out, won't you?
  
  
• Right around the top of Hour Three of this afternoon's meeting, I began to feel a more-profound-than-usual sense of regret at not having gone to barber college when I had the chance.
  
  
• It hasn't been the same since they moved to New York, but occasionally, The Onion can still hit one out of the park.
  
  
• While we're on the subject, this week's AV Club Interview is with Jim Gaffigan. He's one of my favorite standup comics at the moment.
  
  
• Would it be unseemly for a nearly-34-year-old, nearly-24-stone man to try to learn to skateboard?
  
  

An Open Letter to Guitar Center

Dear Guitar Center,

Earlier this evening, I went to your well-stocked and conveniently-located Roseville store and was delighted to see that you had guitar stands on sale for ten dollars. I took one to the counter, and after the cashier scanned the item, he asked for my name and address. I explained that I was buying a ten-dollar guitar stand, and questioned whether entering my address into the database was necessary. I was asked whether this would be the only purchase I would ever make from you (after exiting the store I realized that the correct answer is "It's starting to look that way," but l'esprit d'escalier is one of the many crosses that are mine to bear), and told that unless I complied there would be no record of the purchase and I would be unable to return the item. I'm fairly certain that from a legal standpoint this is jive, but as I had just eaten at Taco Bell, I was in no position to explore that particular dialectic. Disappointed, I left.

My point isn't to attack your return policy, and it isn't even to complain about your policy of taking customers' address information. I could have easily given false address information, and I certainly could have provided a sobriquet rouge, but there I was, prepared to make a simple cash transaction, and the clerk decided to test me.

I understand that ten dollars more or less is meaningless to Guitar Center. I may not be Leo Fender or Orville Gibson or Hogarth Epiphone, but the only customers in the store were I and a quarter-dozen sebaceous adolescents, and certainly none of them were standing at the counter with cash in hand. At the very least, the ten dollars I was prepared to spend would have paid the wages of the two cashiers for an hour, which makes sound business sense, given that I was only in the store for ten minutes.

Your prompt attention into your data collection policies will be most appreciated. Please feel free to contact me when you have modified your policy. Since you don't have my address, you may shout it from the rooftops.

Warmest regards, &c., &c.,
M.B. Example